Summary: Buffy and the gang get caught in a fairytale world…but bring along an unexpected guest.  
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Ends up being pre-Spander
Season: Season 5
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: none
Word count: 3,935 total, 2,927 without added Goldilocks story which was 1,008.
Disclaimer: Joss owns all.
Beta'd by: spikeslovebite

Authors note 1: Goldilocks story taken from this website (was the closest one to what I wanted):

Goldilocks and The Three Scoobies


There once lived a little girl who was called Goldilocks because her hair shone like gold. She was very fond of wild flowers and often went into the woods to pick them.

Buffy wandered the winding path, stopping to pick wild flowers growing in abundance along the way. She wasn’t afraid, even though she didn’t know where she was exactly; she had her instincts to guide her.

One day she walked and walked, and was soon a longer way from home than she had ever been before. In fact, she was lost. But she hurried on, hoping to meet someone who might be able to tell her how she could get home.

Buffy came to an abrupt stop as she rounded a corner in the path. Propped against a tree, casually smoking, was her worst nightmare.


“What are you doing here?’” Buffy demanded.

“I’m the Big Bad Wolf,” the vampire replied, flashing his fangs in an evil leer.

“Wrong story, Spike. Now scram!”

“I’m the Big Bad. I’ll do what I like,” he drawled.

“This is my fairy tale, Spike. Get your own and leave mine alone,” the slayer/Goldilocks huffed, stomping away from the bleached blonde.

Spike smirked before tossing down his cigarette and crushing it beneath his boot. He jogged behind the quickly retreating girl, trying to repress the snickers brought on by her choice of dress. When would people learn that gingham was no ones friend?

On and on she wandered and finally in a particularly lonely spot she happened onto a neat little house.  It was really the house in which lived the three bears -- the Papa Bear, the Mama Bear, and the little Baby Bear -- but of course Goldilocks didn't know that.

Buffy ignored the annoying vampire’s commentary on the woods, her clothing, and anything else he could think of to snark about.

Turning one more particularly large curve on the path, she stopped in shock. A small house was settled right in the middle of a large clearing.

With the mismatched windows, the brightly colored door, and the odd assortment of flowers growing along the path to the front door, the house could only be described as ‘quaint’.

The little girl went up to the door and knocked. There was no answer. She knocked again. Still no answer. And so she opened the door and went in. She was very tired and hungry.

Buffy banged on the door irritably. Didn’t anyone realize how tired she was? And a decent meal wouldn’t hurt anything either. She listened for a moment, trying to hear movement on the other side of the door. Determining that no one was home, she tried the knob and was surprised to find the door swinging open without the use of slayer strength. Not that she would have used it; it would have been impolite…no, really!

“Not very safe that, leaving doors unlocked, you never know who could just walk right in,” Spike mused sarcastically.

Buffy glared at the vampire standing in the doorway before turning to look at the small home curiously.

Goldilocks looked around, and saw a little table set with a nice white cloth, and on the table were three bowls -- a big blue bowl, a middle-sized bowl, and a little yellow bowl. These three bowls belonged to the Papa Bear, the Mama Bear, and the Baby Bear.

“So what are we doing here, ducks?” Spike asked. His eyes narrowed as he watched the blonde circle the table hungrily.

Goldilocks lifted up the covers to look into the bowls. Each was full of delicious-smelling porridge which the three bears had left there to cool while they went for their early morning walk in the woods. Later they would return for a hearty breakfast.

Buffy blushed before sniffing the bowls once more. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she huffed, dipping a finger around the edge of the biggest bowl and sticking it quickly in her mouth. Mmmmm!

Spike snorted. “Don’t think that’s for you. Never know what Big Bad’s will come looking for whoever ate their meal.”

“Shut up, Spike! I’m hungry,” she pouted, picking up the spoon poking out from the bowl.

Goldilocks picked up the spoon which was in the big blue bowl and tasted the porridge belonging to the Papa Bear. It was very hot, much too hot for the little girl to eat.


Spike laughed as he watched Buffy hop around, fanning her mouth frantically before grabbing the glass of water from the table and gulping it down. The vampire stepped forward cautiously, checking for a barrier, not wanting to get knocked back. He was pleasantly surprised to find none in place and swaggered the rest of the way into the home.

He studied the portraits on the wall with narrowed eyes. “I think I’ve got our little predicament sorted,” he announced. “Wanna let Spike in on how it all came about?”

“No,” Buffy answered sullenly before dipping her spoon into the next bowl.

The little girl then turned to the red bowl and tasted the porridge that belonged to the Mama Bear. It was much too cold.

Buffy blanched from the too cold porridge, glancing around and sighing when she didn’t locate a microwave.

Spike turned back around just in time to see Buffy lifting the cover from the last bowl.

But there was still another bowl, and Goldilocks dipped her spoon into the porridge in the little yellow bowl, the one that belonged to the Baby Bear. How good that porridge smelled!

“Oi! If I’m right with what I’m thinking is going on here, I wouldn’t do that,” Spike warned, a low growl rumbling from his throat.

“Bite me, Spike! Oh wait! You can’t,” Buffy taunted, sticking her tongue out at the bleached vampire. She slowly raised the spoon to her mouth, closing her eyes and moaning loudly as she tasted the sweet meal. “Hmmm!” She smirked at the vampire glaring at her, making a production out of smacking and licking her lips.

Goldilocks tasted it. Um-m-m-m! It was just right, and so she ate and ate and ate until there was not a bit of porridge left in the Baby Bear's little bowl.

Buffy dug back into the warm porridge, her hunger urging her on. She didn’t realize how much she had eaten until the spoon hit the bottom of the bowl with a clang.

Spike snarled at the slayer. “You shouldn’t have done that. I’ve seen what happens when you get between the boy and a meal.”

“Like you care,” Buffy tossed back, leaving the table and the mess she made behind. She walked to the living room, taking in the mix of colors and objects in the room, mentally guessing which items belong to which of the houses three owners.

After having eaten, Goldilocks wandered into the living room to sit down. There along the wall stood three chairs -- a big chair, a middle-sized chair, and a little chair.

Buffy poked around the room before quickly becoming bored. She moved toward the three chairs lined against the wall, intending to rest for a while before continuing her journey.

She tried the big chair, which belonged to the Papa Bear, but it was too high, much too high for such a little girl.

Buffy tried the larger chair first, sure it would welcoming with its brown tattered throw and solid structure. She huffed when she finally settled; her feet weren’t touching the floor and the hard board on the seat hurt her ass. “God, could this be any more uncomfortable?” Buffy grumbled.

Spike smirked. “Some blokes like something hard…to sit on.”

Buffy’s eyes narrowed before the innuendo finally sunk into her brain. “Eww!” She quickly jumped down from the tall chair, brushing off her pants in disgust.

Then she tried the middle-sized chair, which belonged to the Mama Bear, but it was too wide, much too wide for Goldilocks.

Buffy settled in the middle chair; its bright patterns and loud, mismatched colors a bit too bright for her. She sank down into the cushiony softness, but the chair was too wide. It was big enough for two, and the slayer pictured two heads—one blonde and the other red—sitting in the chair, snuggled together and giggling softly. Buffy shuddered, thinking of what else the two might have done in that chair, and bolted from it as well.

There was still a third chair, the one that belonged to Baby Bear. It was a cozy little chair with a green leather seat, and it looked like a very good chair for a tired little girl to rest in.

Buffy stared at the last chair uncertainly; it looked comfortable, cozy even, but thoughts of the other chairs made her wary. She shook her head, Xander hadn’t been dating anyone since Anya had left, as far as she knew, and there was no reason to think kinky, nasty things had happened in that chair…plus she was tired.

She ignored the growling from Spike as she headed for the smallest chair. “I wouldn’t do that Slayer.”

And so Goldilocks sat down in the Baby Bear's chair. It was just right, and she sat so hard that she broke it. The little girl got quite a surprise when she tumbled to the floor, but she immediately picked herself up and decided she would go upstairs and look around.

Buffy sat in the comfy chair; it was just the right size, soft and warm. She twisted around, trying to find the right position to curl up in to rest. She brought her legs up onto the seat, stretching her legs a bit against the side of the chair. A loud creaking sounded ominously before the chair gave way and Buffy found herself sitting on the floor amidst a pile of broken wood and fabric.

Spike chortled before mocking the downed slayer. “Tried warnin’ ya, you dozy bint. Baby Bear’s gonna be pissed when he sees his chair in pieces.”

She was quite sleepy by now, and maybe she could find a nice bed upon which to lie down.Then Goldilocks climbed the stairs to the bedroom, and there found three beds -- one for the Papa Bear, one for the Mama Bear, and one for the Baby Bear. They were all fresh and clean.

Buffy scrambled up from her position on the floor, glaring at the annoying vampire, who was currently laughing his ass off at her expense.

“Shut up, Spike! I’ll explain what happened, it’ll be fine!”

The vampire snorted, his eyes suspicious as Buffy flounced away, practically running up the stairs and away from his mocking looks. He waited for a moment before following her up to the next floor, not trusting what would happen next.

Goldilocks lay down on Papa Bear's great big bed, but it was too hard.

Buffy took in the sight of the three beds lined against the far wall. “Gah! Ever heard of privacy much?” she muttered. She yawned deeply, her long hike through the forest and dealing with Spike’s barbs were enough to wear her out. “I’ll just sleep for a few minutes and recharge my batteries,” she told herself softly.

She cautiously lifted the covers on the biggest bed; it looked warm and comfy with its thick comforter. It smelled faintly of fabric softener and men’s cologne and Buffy breathed deep finding comfort in the familiar scent. She slipped between the sheets and fidgeted for a moment trying to find a comfortable spot before sitting up and glaring at the bed.

Spike watched as the blond slipped out of the large bed, grumbling to herself. “The accommodations not to her majesty’s liking?” he drawled sarcastically.

“Go away, Spike. I’m tired and so not in the mood for your witty comments that lack actual wit.”

Then she tried Mama Bear's middle-sized bed, but it was much too soft.

Buffy climbed into the next bed with a sigh. The soft bedding, the pillow top mattress and the mounds of fluffy pillows were pure bliss…until she felt herself sinking into the piles of blankets. The feeling of being surrounded was too much like her nightmare of digging her way out of her own coffin. She fought with the covers for a moment before leaping from the bed.

Spike watched in amazed disbelief as Buffy fought with the bedcoverings, even more amazed when she finally won. Or was it a draw?

Doozy bint!, he snorted to himself.

There was still a third bed -- Baby Bear's bed -- with a pink and white spread on it. Goldilocks tried the littlest bed, and it was just right, and so she curled up and was soon fast asleep.

Spike growled deeply when he realized where Buffy was headed next. “Now see here, slayer, I think you’ve had enough of this little jaunt of yours, done enough damage.”

Buffy whirled around to face the vampire, her face contorted with anger. “Just shut the hell up, Spike! God! I’m so sick of hearing it! Xander won’t care and it’s not like it’s the first time I slept in his bed,” she announced, thinking of the night they spent in his parent’s basement hiding from the Initiative.

Spike took a threatening step forward. “Now listen here, you tarted up little-“

“Why do you even care? Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much you’ve been hanging around lately…especially around Xander. I don’t know what it is you’re planning, but it ends now. You leave him alone!”

“You’re daft!”

“Whatever nefarious scheme you’ve got going is over. I’m warning you, Spike!”

“Oh! Look at me shaking in me knickers,” Spike mocked, growling again as Buffy moved toward the bed once more. “Whatever little schoolboy crush the boy had on you is over, he won’t appreciate you rolling about destroying his bed.”

Buffy smirked at the blonde, slowly peeling back the patchwork quilt on the bed, rubbing her hands along the sheets. “This bed, Spikey?” She smiled innocently.

Buffy landed on the bed with a plop, mocking eyes on the vampire the entire time, she ohh’d and aww’d as she snuggled down into the blankets. With all the excitement of being in a fairytale world, dealing with Spike, and the walk through the woods, she was exhausted. She drifted off to sleep, the sounds of the forest and Spike growling and threatening almost a lullaby in her world where the weird is normal.

Now while Goldilocks was sleeping, the bears came home from their walk.They were very hungry and went at once to the kitchen to eat their porridge.

Giles, Willow, and Xander cautiously entered the eclectically charming home, wary from finding themselves standing in the middle of a thick forest, no one knowing how they had gotten there. As one they had turned, knowing the path to ‘home’ even if they didn’t know how they knew.

The Papa Bear had picked up his spoon and was about to begin eating when he suddenly growled in his big-bear voice, "Somebody has been tasting my porridge!"

Giles was the first to reach the table; he lifted the largest bowl, sniffing carefully at the contents. “Porridge,” he declared. Studying the bowl he could see large tracks in the thick mixture and the food splattered on the table setting. “Someone’s been here.” He looked around the room, taking in photos of himself and his two companions.

When the Mama Bear saw her bowl, she said in her middle-sized bear voice, "And somebody has been tasting my porridge, too!"

Willow looked around Giles at the disarray of spoons and spills on the table. “Looks like someone was pretty hungry…and kinda messy.”

She too looked around the room, getting a sense of ‘familiar’ about their predicament. “Giles, does all of this seem…familiar to you? It reminds me of-”

Baby Bear saw his empty bowl, and began to cry. "Somebody has been tasting my porridge, and has eaten it every bit!" he wailed.

Xander rushed to the table, “Oh, food!” The long hike through the woods had only increased his appetite. He ignored Giles and Willow studying the two bowls at the other end of the table. The other bowls had been left sitting with their covers removed with only the last bowl having a lid seemingly in place. He lifted the lid eagerly, only to find it completely empty. “Dammit! Who would put a cover back on an empty bowl and not the ones still filled with food? That’s a crime against nutrition…and my stomach!”

Then the three bears went into the living room to sit down and rest. Papa Bear noticed that his chair had been pulled out of its usual position.

The trio left the kitchen and wandered further into the house. They entered the living room again with the sense of ‘knowing’ things were out of place.

"Somebody has been sitting in my chair!" he grumbled in his gruff voice.

Giles stooped to pick up the brown throw that had obviously been knocked from the chair. “It seems they didn’t limit themselves to the kitchen.”

"And somebody has been sitting in my chair!" said Mama Bear.

Willow pointed at the disarray of throw pillows that were smashed and crammed into the cracks of the chair. “Looks like they hit here, too.”

Baby Bear began crying harder than before. "Somebody has been sitting in my chair and has broken it all to pieces!" he sobbed.

“Holy hell, what happened here?!” Xander cried. “It must have been something pretty heavy to bust up a chair like this,” he added stroking the green leather of the seat that lay amongst the wreckage.

Willow looked around in confusion. “Okay, this is too freaky. Do you guys think this is—”

Baby Bear had no chair to sit on, and so the three bears decided they would go upstairs to rest. They would take a short nap.

The Three Scoobies jumped when they heard a low rumbling growl coming from the upper floor.

“It sounds like whatever it might be is still up there,” Willow said nervously.

Xander grabbed the leg from the wrecked chair as Giles snatched a poker from the fireplace. The group slowly made its way up the staircase.

As they entered the bedroom Papa Bear glanced at the big bed. "Somebody has been tumbling in my bed!" he growled.

Giles was the first to round the corner, taking in the three beds, especially the largest bed which was closest to the door. “The sheets are rumpled, whoever it is must be here as well.”

They stepped further into the room before jumping back when confronted by an enraged vampire.

“Get your slayer under control,” the blonde growled.

“Spike! What the bloody hell are you doing here?”

“Been asking myself that all day. About time the ‘three bears’ arrived home, Goldilocks there has been making herself at home.”

"And somebody has been tumbling in my bed!" said Mama Bear in her turn, walking over to the middle-sized bed and carefully smoothing the spread, which was quite rumpled.

“Oh! So that’s why it seemed so familiar. Oh! Is this where I’m supposed to say ‘somebody’s been sleeping in my bed’?” Willow grinned.

All this time Baby Bear had been staring hard at his own little bed. Finally he found his voice and piped up, "Somebody has been tumbling in my bed, and here she is!"

Xander gulped. “And that would be my cue to say ‘and here she is’.” The carpenter blushed, looking away from the bed. “Gee, with all the fantasies back in high school, I’m surprised this one never made an appearance. Although it could be the whole group sleeping arrangement. When I was going out with Anya, she always said it was an enjoyable kink, but it just didn’t do much for—I’m just shutting up now.”

At the sound of the Baby Bear's voice the little girl awoke with a start. She sat up and glanced about her. Then she sprang out of bed, and dashed down the stairs and out of the house as fast as her legs would carry her.

Buffy came awake with a start, the voices finally breaking through her subconscious to tell her that she wasn’t alone. Spike didn’t count; she’d been trying to pretend he didn’t exist all day.

Rubbing her eyes, she sat up, her relief at seeing her friends smothered by the guiltage of another Buffy!blunder. “Hey, guys,” she said sheepishly.

Giles pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and began polishing his glasses. “Buffy, I don’t suppose you know how we came to be here?”

Buffy crawled from the bed, blushing brightly. “Well, see…I mean, I just wanted…there was this…” Tears filled her eyes and she bolted from the room, accidently knocking Spike in the nose from her stumbling as the tears blurred her vision.

As she ran out the front door, things turned hazy and the world seemed to dissolve around her.

And Goldilocks never, never went near the house of the three bears again.


Buffy came awake with a start and groggily looked around the Magic Box. She watched nervously as Giles, Willow, and Xander woke slowly from their scattered positions around the shop.

Giles was the first to shake off the lingering effects of the spell-induced sleep. His eyes narrowed on the other two Scoobies before his gaze paused on the blushing face of his charge. He stomped from his spot by the register over to the research table. It was overflowing with books, as usual, and he snatched up the text that Buffy had been sleeping on. He grunted in disgust at the small puddle of drool staining the page.

“Sorry,” Buffy offered sheepishly.

Giles harrumphed and slid his glasses back onto his nose and began reading. The watcher sighed. “Buffy, I can’t believe you would be so foolish—”

“I didn’t mean to!”

“How could you not ‘mean to’? The incantation explicitly tells what would happen-“

“I know!” Buffy interrupted again. “Although I’m not sure how Spike got there,” she mused, her brow furrowing.

The vampire in question snorted from his spot on the stairs, his nose in the air to prevent the blood dripping down his nose to fall onto his shirt. “Just came to ask the boy if he wanted to play some billiards. I had just come into the back of the shop when I got sucked into your little drama.”

“Oh, hey! Cool! Sounds good; we can get some hot wings, too. I’m starved.” Xander smiled.

Buffy ignored the two men. “I was just hoping for…you know, a happy ending for a change, not just sitting around researching the newest lame demon and eating crappy pizza. It wasn’t supposed to be that fairy tale; I just fell asleep on the wrong page. I guess the life of a Scooby means no fairy tale endings for us,” the slayer pouted.

Willow looked over at the corner of the shop where Xander was applying ice packs to Spike’s swollen nose. She watched as hands lingered for moments too long and the shy smiles that were being exchanged between them.

“I’m not so sure about that.” She smiled gently.

The End

And I have a feeling the 'and they live happiliy ever after' will come just a bit later to be followed by Xander screaming 'oh God yes!'....*innocent smile*

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