Part Sixteen

"Fuck. I should have just canceled." Xander stood in the hallway outside the door to Spike's apartment yet he couldn't bring himself to knock. He knew he must look like hell. He had stayed up too late staring at the abundant tally of wagging whackers and pulling his own pud like a teenaged boy. It was a situation that had not been entirely corrected by four hours' sleep and a long hot bath.

His eyes were bloodshot, his hair unkempt and his gait was slightly bowlegged. He considered just turning around and walking away. What would it matter? Xander's client was only a vampire, which meant that the aborted appointment would not require an apology or even an explanation. Xander could go home and back to bed. Or he could sit down at this computer and.... The very prospect of allowing Buddy another stroll down Horny Lane caused Xander to groan and bend over at the waist. If allowed to run amok, the treacherous Buddy would easily cause Xander's demise.

Still, despite his near-death experience, Xander didn't want to miss this scheduled tutorial. In fact, the only redeeming light to this morning's dark physical condition had been the prospect of spending time with Spike. It was odd and somewhat confusing, yet because his brain was still flying on autopilot, Xander was unable to suss out the deeper meanings of his feelings.

Therefore, because he was basically a go-with-it type of guy, Xander raised his fist and rapped sharply on the door. After which he quickly licked the palm of his hand and swiped it over his messy tangle of thick dark hair to try and marginally tame its condition. And he waited.

When he got no immediate response, he knocked again. As several minutes passed with no response, Xander had to face the outrageous possibility that he had been stood up. On one hand, that should have been a relief. A free pass to go home. But for some strange reason, that was not his gut reaction. He found himself disappointed to the point of frantic. He had come to see Spike and Spike was not home. Or worse, he was home and not opening the door. It was an outrageous concept and one that Xander would not stand for. His knocking rose to the level of pounding and was now accompanied by the shouting of the vampire's name.

"SPIKE! Hey, Spike!! Open the fucking door!"

Hearing his name shouted jolted Spike from his sound, peaceful sleep. His head snapped to the side and the sudden shock caused his face to shift and his fangs to drop defensively. When the combined understanding of the time on his clock blended with the recognition of Xander's voice, his comprehension told him that he had not only overslept but that he was committing the felonious offense of disrespect to a human. Spike leapt from his bed and he rushed toward the door.

Xander was beginning to feel an irrational frantic desperation rise within him at the prospect of not seeing Spike today. The limited function of his brain said it was unimportant but his gut told him something else. Something undefinable and incomprehensible niggled at him. All he knew was that he needed to see the vampire. Now. As his fist aimed for another round of pounding, Xander was startled when the door was jerked open and he found himself face-to-face with a stark naked vampire.

Xander stared into the bleary blue eyes while his flummoxed human brain repeated the manta, Don't look down. Don't look down. Despite his best efforts, he blinked and glanced down. When he did, his mouth gaped open, the oxygen stopped flowing to his lungs and his skull threatened to explode as he realized that the rumor of vampires being freakishly hung were apparently based in fact. A quiet "Eep" escaped his lips as he took a small step backwards.

"Oh. Um, did I.... Were you sleeping?"

Spike scratched his head as he scowled at the human who was having some sort of attack on his doorstep. "Yeah, sorry. I had a bit of a late night. Didn't mean to make you wait. Please come in and.... Are you all right?"

Xander's cheeks flushed a rosy shade of red as he hemmed and hawed and tried not to gawk at the most incredible body he had ever seen. The vampire's skin was pale, smooth, well-sculpted, muscular and compact. It was like a painting. It was a masterpiece. Xander's breathing came in shallow spurts and his fingers flexed and twitched at his sides.

And the hormonal flush caused the human to smell fucking incredible.

As Spike stood aside and allowed his tutor to slip by, the aroma of hot, fresh blood combined with testosterone and the heady fragrance of arousal caused a tingle in Spike's crotch that reminded him of his clothing-challenged state.

"Oh, shit. Sorry. I didn't realize that I wasn't wearing.... It's just that I usually sleep in the all-together and when you knocked.... Please. Have a seat. I'll run and pull something on and be right back." Spike spun on his heels. His hands discreetly cupped his burgeoning erection and he hustled away.

As he skittered off, Xander blatantly stared at the wonderfully bouncy butt cheeks and decided the vampire looked as good going as he did coming. Buddy agreed. It was a concept that Xander found horrifying and he immediately reprimanded the wayward dick with no morals. "Don't you even fucking think about it, you moron. That is a fucking vampire, you prick."

Once he felt a semblance of self-control, Xander relaxed a bit as he looked all around. Although this was only his second time in Spike's place, it already felt comfortably familiar. In order to get his mind back on business, Xander decided to start on the computer lessons and he shouted in the direction that the vampire had gone. "I'll power up your machine."

The disembodied voice called back. "Yeah, right. Be just a minute."

Sitting in front of the computer, Xander wiggled the mouse and the screen came to life. When it did, what he saw there was the second big shock of the day and his brain refused to believe what his eyes were seeing. It couldn't be. It had to be a mistake. It must be a joke. He glanced up, half expecting to see his friends and family jump out and laugh at his having just been punked.

But no one was there.

This wasn't a joke.

His hand drifted up and brushed over the face on the monitor as if to verify its validity. It was him. His smiling face. His bulging Speedo.

He recognized the picture. He remembered when Willow had taken it, but that recollection in no way explained or jibed with the fact that it was now plastered in full color on this vampire's computer. "What. The. Fuck." It was less a question than a declaration of stunned disbelief. As his tech-savvy mind then proceeded to the destination that pinpointed this as not only on Spike's computer, but the fact that the computer was already logged on to the internet, Xander physically swayed in his seat.

His peripheral vision greyed out and his ears buzzed. He began hyperventilating and the tiny hairs all over his body stood straight up at the roots. He was so consumed with what he was seeing that he was totally unaware that Spike had returned and was now directly behind him.

Spike had taken only seconds to dress and return. As expected, his tutor was seated at the computer, but it wasn't until Spike came closer that he realized why Xander was frozen, silent and ramrod straight. Spike's hand came up and slapped over his mouth. He had forgotten to log off. There was no logical explanation he could offer.

Spike had broken a human law whose punishment could mean arrest and dusting.

He swallowed. When he spoke, his tone was low and his voice was shaky. "Xander. Wait. It isn't what you think. It was a mistake. I didn't know.... I accidentally...."

Xander spun around in the swivel chair and he faced off with the vampire who was standing back with his palms up in a mode of surrender. Xander could feel his pulse hammering in his chest as he slowly rose to his feet. He stabbed an accusing finger towards the screen and demanded in barely restrained fury, "What the hell is this? How did you find this picture?"

Spike nodded quickly. This was good. This was a chance to explain before Xander summoned the IVRC. "Okay, so like I said, it was a mistake, yeah? See I was sitting here practicing like you told me to and, sure, I was cruising some vamp porn sites when I got sidetracked onto a couple dating sites. From there it went to a human dating page. I swear to God, I didn't know I had to always type in 'vampire' before the web address. I know it's illegal to look at human sites that...."

Xander frowned and looked back at himself on the screen. All of the okey-doke that Spike was babbling sailed over his head and the only thing landing was the bit about this being a human dating site. "Wait. What?"

Spike stopped talking and he tried to guess what part of that Xander wanted clarified. He went for the most beneficial. "Um, I'm innocent?"

Xander blinked and looked into the clear, frightened blue eyes and attempted to untangle the perplexing facts. "No, I mean about the dating site part. My picture is on a dating site? Who the hell.... WILLOW!"

The lightbulb over Xander's head snapped on and suddenly it all made sense. The barrage of e-mails from men who were looking for energetic and creative hook-ups were a response to this picture and ad. Immediately, he dropped back down into the seat and he studiously scrolled down to read his own profile, groaning as he did. Spike hesitantly felt the spark of hope that he may just dodge this bullet as Xander seemed less concerned that he was being ogled by a vamp than he was about being ogled at all.

"So you didn't post this? You aren't in the market for.... Not that it's any of my business, I just wondered...."

Xander's head snapped around and lightning flashed in his eyes. "Fuck no, I didn't put this crap up. I am NOT that desperate! I don't need to beg strange men to...."

Spike again jumped in, "Oh no, no, of course not. Anyone who looks at that picture could see that a man with your hot, good looks and sexy body doesn't have to...."

Xander cocked his head to the side and his eyebrows rose as a good portion of his anger melted away. "You think it's a sexy picture?"

Spike knew this conversation had wandered into treacherous territory and the appropriate response would be for him to humbly drop his eyes, clasp his hands behind his back and quietly respond with, "I wouldn't know, sir." But he didn't. He did the unthinkable. He stepped forward and in a low, husky whisper he answered, "I think it's the hottest thing I have ever seen."

The sound of Xander's gasp was audible as his mind conjured up the image of the naked vampire sitting at his computer, staring at the image on the screen, and suddenly Xander knew with absolute certainty that Spike had spent his evening engaged in the same activity that Xander had. With one glaring difference. Spike had jerked off to Xander!

As the mental chain of events reflected themselves in Xander's shifting expressions, Spike had all but forgotten the huge, dangerous barrier that stood between them. He was so turned on that a deep, rumbling growl rolled from his throat and he eased forward inch by inch. Xander froze. His feet were nailed to the floor and he felt like a deer in the headlights. Buddy was in heaven as he rose and pressed his head against the restrictive zipper of Xander's pants.

"Wha...what are you doing?"

Spike slithered even closer and his tone turned oily and slick. "I'm taking a giant leap of faith, Xander. I'm putting my continued existence in your hands, as it were, because I know that this...," Spike pointed an accusing finger towards the picture on the screen, "isn't what you want. I think you're looking for something else. Is that right, Xander? Are you hungry for something that you can't quite define? Something dangerous? Something blond and blue eyed and totally forbidden?"


By this point, there was no turning back. If Spike was to be dusted, he would go out with a smile. In the blink of an eye he closed the remaining space between them. He grabbed a painful fist of Xander's thick, dark hair and he slammed their lips together in a searing, passionate kiss thatturned Xander's legs to jelly and lit Buddy on fire like a tiki torch.

Part Seventeen

The universe shifted and Xander felt as if the ground beneath his feet were falling away as the incredible kiss continued. When it first happened, his gasp of shock had been pounced upon as a window of opportunity for the vampire to shove his tongue into Xander's mouth and attempt to devour the human from the inside out.

The small portions of fear and disbelief that tried to make themselves known were quickly swept away as Xander's body reacted to the power and erotic sexuality of the handsome vampire. Despite his larger size, Xander felt weak and vulnerable in the demon's arms, and that feeling of submissiveness was turning him on even more and fueling the fire that flamed within him.

Legality and morality didn't exist anymore. All that mattered was this kiss and the oddly cool lips that pressed against his. Xander whimpered and Spike growled as each man took what they needed from the other. Their bodies surged with heat and want while their cocks screamed for release as Xander clutched at Spike's shirt and his hips arched forward.

Finally, when Spike realized that a lack of oxygen was becoming a problem for his human, he reluctantly broke the kiss and leaned back to look into Xander's face and gauge the level of damage he had done. Funny thing was, if he was to be dusted, it would have unquestioningly been worth it.

As Xander sucked air into his lungs, he staggered back. His face was flushed, his eyes were hooded and glazed over as the forest fire within his body was showing no signs of extinguishing itself. Automatically, his hand drifted down to press against the hard-on that refused to deflate without a spanking.

He had never been so turned on in his life. His butt-hole flexed and winked in his trousers. His lips smacked and puckered as they independently considered lurching forward for a reattachment while Xander's slowly functioning brain could only focus on the question, 'Why did we stop?'

Gradually, however, the intense expression of concern on Spike's face caused an ugly reality to surface and make itself known. When it did, Xander took two steps back. His eyes bugged and his fingertips brushed over his tingly lips as he found his voice with just one word. "Oh."

And there it was. Spike snorted and turned away. He couldn't bear to see the disgust, shame or outrage that he knew was about to swim to the surface on his boy's face. Spike was no fool, yet he had done an amazingly foolish thing. He never understood how, after sixty years, he had such little impulse control.

If Spike had stayed focused on Xander, he might have been in for a surprise. Oh sure, the initial what-the-fuck moment smacked Xander in the face with a jolt akin to a taser to the balls, but after that, something else seemed to outweigh the human-vampire component in the situation. Something unexpected and completely irrational. Xander was still totally attracted to Spike.

He was everything Xander knew he had been waiting for in a man. He was handsome, smart, funny and obviously dominant as hell. He was more than a top. He was a tippity top. He was a top that would demand a submissive bottom which, just by the luck of the pecker gods, Xander happened to be. Oddly enough, sex aside, he really liked Spike. If Xander hadn't wanted to bend over and bark for Spike, he would still want to be the vampire's friend.

Vampire. There was the glitch in the works. The fly in the ointment. The broken cog in the wheel. The bubble in the lube bottle. The one small factor in this equation that made the whole math incalculable.

Or did it? Xander tipped his head to the side and he watched Spike's straight-backed bravado as he moved toward the kitchen. Oh sure, the vampire was dead but why was that a deal-breaker? Why had such stringent laws been passed in the first place? What was it the government thought fraternization would cause? Xander's palm pressed against the throbbing, rhythmic pulse in his neck and he knew what a close relationship with a vampire could result in. Okay, he thought, that part would not be for the good but who says you can't practice safe vampirism? Dead isn't contagious.

"Spike. I...."

Spike stood with his hands gripping the kitchen counter and his eyes squeezed shut."Go home, Xander, and do whatever you have to do. I made a mistake. I'm sorry. Please just go."

Xander took a hesitant step forward but the twenty-five feet of space between them now seemed like miles. "Do whatever...? Oh, you mean report this to the IVRC? Damn, Spike, I would never do that. You didn't force me to.... Okay, you kinda did but I wasn't exactly objecting. I mean, yeah it was a shock but...."

Spike turned around and glared at the babbling boy who might or might not regret what he was saying later. "Go home. Think about this after the blood has returned to your brain, and maybe tomorrow you can let me know if we can continue our lessons or not. If not, I will understand. Either way, this won't happen again. I promise. I don't care about me, but this is too dangerous for you."

Xander studied the vampire's blue eyes and he read the honesty and concern there. Fraternization was not just a taboo, it was a felony of the incarceration and dusty level. It was not to be taken lightly. Xander had no words that could express what he thought or felt, so he just nodded. He picked up his briefcase and he walked out the door.

"FUCK!" When he was alone, Spike slammed his fist into the wall next to his toaster and watched as the plaster dust floated through the air in slow motion and settled on his four-slice, nearly new appliance. He wasn't in fear of his unlife because he would bet everything he had against Xander reporting him. No, he was mad at himself for allowing his feelings to override his common sense and his unbeating heart to voice an opinion. Sixty years old and Spike was still a romantic idiot.

Xander blinked against the bright sunlight as he stepped outside the building. The chirping of the birds mocked him with their normalcy and the warm breeze that gently fluffed his hair seemed to whisper incoherently in his ear. Like a robot, he put one foot in front of the other until he reached his car and fell in behind the wheel. Without conscious thought, he threw it in gear and drove away.


"Spike. Hi! Over here. I got us a table and a couple of steamy mochabloods."

Spike stood in the doorway of the Vampster Cafe. He had waffled for over an hour as to whether or not he was up to keeping his date with Elmer but since brooding and pacing around his flat didn't seem to be working for him, the prospect of getting out and clearing his mind was sounding better and better.

The Vampster Cafe was a casual meeting place. A vamp joint that did not pretend to cater to humans. There were no donuts or sandwiches. No croissants or fruity drinks. It was simply a clean, relaxing spot where a vamp could hang out with his own kind and sip a warm cup of caffeine blended with a lovely variety of bloods and plasmas. On an especially hot, summer
afternoon, the menu board included several chilled speciality items.

It was a room void of flowers, white table covers or frilly doilies. There was no need for a furnace or an air conditioning unit since the normal body temperature of the walking dead had very little variance. There were no pictures on the walls and no lilty background music to annoy their sensitive hearing.

The Vampster was not a flow shop. It purchased wholesale in order to not even have sellers in the back room. It was a totally human-free zone and that was something that most vamps, especially the new ones, appreciated. It was exactly what Spike needed.

In response to Elmer's bouncing, arm-flailing antics, Spike's hand lifted slightly and he smiled before he headed through the crowded room of small round tables and chatting demons. He was glad he had decided to come. It was good to be among his own kind. Besides, Spike needed to talk and Elmer Toots was the perfect sounding board.

Elmer was no fledge. He had been around probably longer than Spike which meant that he had been part of the glorious carnage that was in the before-time. The fact that he had survived pointed to the fact that Elmer had bit and sucked years of blood-filled humans. Despite the threat of the IVRC, those were wonderful memories that were not so easily forgotten.

When he reached the table Elmer dropped down into his seat and, beneath the table, his foot shoved Spike's chair out for his companion to sit. "Hey, Spikey ol' buddy. Sit down. Fuck if the Vampster ain't crowded today. I had to flash a fang to get a couple old lady vamps to vacate this here table. Woo wee. I'm surprised I was able to drag my dead body out of bed this morning. Me and Pinky had a hot and heavy last night if ya know what I mean."

Spike's forehead wrinkled slightly at the way Elmer was winking and waggling his eyebrows as he sucked his teeth. Sadly, Spike realized that Elmer and the electronically transmitted Pinky had a more satisfying sex life than Spike did. What a fucked up unlife this was.

"Um, yeah, Elmer, I get what you mean. Say, Toots, old buddy, let me ask you a question."

Elmer sipped his warm, thick mug of sustenance and he wiggled happily in his seat. "Sure, Spike. Whatcha wanna know?"

Spike set his cup down and he leaned forward, keeping his voice low and quiet. "You ever been attracted to a human?"

Unexpectedly, Elmer spit his mouthful of blood out in a spray that spattered directly into Spike's face where it dripped off his nose and ran down his shirt front. The rest of the room fell silent as every other vampire head snapped in their direction. Vampires were a volatile bunch and spontaneous violence was the norm, but not generally in the Vampster Cafe.

Elmer's mouth gaped open and his eyes bugged, not at what he had done but at the words that caused it. He considered screaming like a little girl and running away, but shock held him frozen in his chair. The only save was that he was reasonably sure that Spike had not been overheard.

Hoping to minimize the damage and not draw anymore attention to them, Spike took his napkin and he calmly wiped the splattered mess off his face as he chuckled nonchalantly.

"Oops. That was a hell of a sneeze, Elmer. Ha ha. No harm done."

Elmer's eyes darted around the room nervously to see if anyone was reading between the lines. When it appeared that they weren't, and were in fact returning to their own interests and business, Elmer shoved his own paper napkin across the table and he twitched. "Oh, yeah, huh. Something must have IRRITATED. Good thing that won't happen again."

Spike chose to ignore the veiled threat and hint. After cleaning as much of the sticky substance off himself as he could, he again leaned forward. "Calm down, Elmer. You're drawing attention to us."

"ME?" Elmer Toots was incredulous at the outrageous accusation, but before he could voice his objections, it became clear that Spike was not going to let this subject drop. "No, Spike, I have never...done THAT!"

Spike immediately scooted his chair around the circumference of the table until he was uncomfortably close to his companion. He then turned sideways, rested his elbow on the table and his head on his hand so that he would be speaking directly into Elmer's ear and he clearly, slowly enunciated his announcement. "I kissed Xander Harris today and I think he liked it."

Elmer Toots' chair fell over backwards and he fainted dead away.

Part Eighteen


Rosy stood in the doorway of the Rosenberg mansion and she blinked at the familiar face on her threshold. It was clear that Mister Xander was highly irate and the chubby maid tried to estimate if that anger was reaching a level of danger and if it had anything to do with the near-naked picture. In the end, she decided that this was Xander and she had never known him to be threatening. Besides, whatever he was so fired up about was no doubt justified. Without asking who "she" was, Rosy stepped aside. "Miss Willow is out on the patio."

Construed as his invitation to enter, Xander stormed past her and he marched directly toward the open French door and the small figure that could be seen lying by the pool.

"Goddamn it, Willow! How the fuck could you do such a crazy thing without asking me first. You went behind my back and posted that fucking crotch-shot on the fucking INTERNET! Then to make matters worse, you made me seem like a pathetic, dick-hungry moron! What the fuck were you thinking?"

Like a redheaded tiger, Willow stretched her body in a slow, languid roll as she eased over on the beach towel that covered her lounger. When she was fully on her back, she arched up so that her naked, pebbly nipples pointed toward the smiling sun as her hands drifted down across her stomach.

"Do you think I'm getting too much sun on my breasts?"

Xander shifted his weight to his right leg and crossed his arms over his chest. He knew what she was doing, and he was as wrong a tree as ever had been barked up.

"I'm gay, Willow. You should know by now that you can't distract me with a couple of flat, limp tits so get your scrawny ass up off that pool chair and talk to me."

"Ack!" Willow's demeanor flipped like a toggle switch as she flung her legs over the sides and sat up. Immediately, she cupped her breasts and bounced them off her palms to judge and estimate their bounceability and elasticity. "They aren't flat and limp. These are perky boobies, pal. I might have to concede on the scrawny ass point but these are primo knockers."

Despite his resolve to remain firm and critical, Xander felt his anger melt away and he dropped down onto the plastic, webbed chair beside her. "Jesus, Wil. How could you do that to me? We took that picture years ago and you promised it would never see the light of day. Then you went and posted it on the goddamn web. You offered me up like a Christmas ham to be devoured and passed around by a thousand strange men. Did you really think that was what I wanted?"

Willow's legs crossed in front of her and she studied her friend's eyes. She had the strange feeling that there was something else that had upset him besides a plethora of horny men, and her apology did not quite ring true. "I was only trying to help. Did you even give it a shot? Did you read any of their profiles? Some of them were downright yummy. Maybe...."

"No, Willow, I am not that desperate or pathetic."

Willow reached over and placed a hand on her friend's knee as her green eyes sparkled. "Oh, gosh, Xan. No, I don't think that. I just want you to be happy. All you ever do is work. You don't date and you aren't seeing anyone. Can't you just try? I read through the profiles and a couple of them seem very, um, diverse and eager."

At that suggestion, Xander struggled to keep the wide grin from bursting across his face at the memory of what he had done just this morning. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops but he knew that it was impossible. Unfortunately, Xander Harris had never been a good poker player and Willow immediately picked up on the vibe.

"Oh, my, God! You are, aren't you? You're seeing someone! Who? What? Where? When? Was it one of my internet guys? Did you hook up with one of them? I want details, buddy, and I want them NOW!"

Xander did the backstroke through a pool of quandary. He couldn't be honest but he had never been able to hide things from Sherlock Rosenberg, the great detective. As he considered what was safe info and what wasn't, which was most of it, he settled on a compromise. He took a deep breath and averted his eyes. "There really isn't anything to tell. He was NOT someone from the ad you placed. I sort of had a date with a guy named Paul down at the spaghetti shop near my building." Truth. "He asked me to pick him up when he got off work." More truth. "Long story short, he's a nice guy and, no, we didn't have sex but I gotta say, I just had the best kiss of my life." Fragmented truth twisted and bitch-slapped to wedge it into a story spot that required a shoehorn to fit.

But it worked. Apparently, in a pinch, Xander was a better liar than he had thought because Willow totally bought it. She lit up like the Northern Lights as she pierced the air with a high-pitched squeal while clapping her hands together in a move that forced Xander to admit to himself that yes, her tits did still have a lot of bounce left in them.

"Oh, Xanny, that's great!! I'm so excited for you!! You are just around the corner from an exciting night of hound humping and intercruraling!"

Xander's face scrunched up and he scratched his head. "Inter..whating?"

Willow waved her hand dismissively. She could school him on all the things he should be doing as a gay man later. For now, she was just delighted to know that he was dating and not spending all of his time with those filthy, disgusting vampires.

For the next fifteen minutes he side-stepped and tap-danced around the subject, saying that there was really nothing more to say. He didn't know when he would see Paul again and he wasn't sure it would lead to anything lasting or permanent. For Willow, it was appeasing enough. In exchange, she apologized and promised that she would take down the profile and cancel his name on the dating service. His give, in response to her take, was to agree to reading over some of the names and hobbies of the men who had already e-mailed him although he knew in his heart that none of them could compare to a certain blond man with breathing issues.

"So you promise to remove the ad today?"

Willow put on her best puppy face. "I could but gee, honey, it's already paid for for the month. Why not just let it run its course and maybe...."


"Yeah. Okay. Fine, Mr. Grouchypants. Consider it gone."

Xander jumped up to kiss her on the top of the head. Her thick, soft hair brushed across his lips and he took a moment with his face against her head. Like a lion's mane, it was warm, fluffy and felt like silk against his cheeks. Willow smelled like lavender and it all combined to reminded him of everything he loved about her. He couldn't feel closer to her if she were his sister and it was impossible to stay angry. Finally, he moved away. "I gotta go. Things to do. Business to transact. I'll call you later."

Xander trotted towards the French doors that led into the house. When he stepped inside the living room, he stopped, turned around and pointed his finger in her direction as he wore his most stern, serious expression. "Take it down NOW! When I get home I will be checking."

In response, she stuck out her tongue and flipped him the finger before lying back down on her stomach. Xander wasn't worried. He knew she would comply. Still, he would log on at home and search for himself and the smiling crotch-shot that just screamed, 'I am a gay man, come and ride me.' Xander shuddered.

"Is everything all right Mr. Xanny?"

Xander leaned over and gave the hesitant housekeeper a peck on the cheek. "Everything is great, Rosy. Willow was just being her usual pain in the ass self, but I'm sure she sees the error of her ways and now is on the straight and narrow."

Rosy snorted at the dubious and facetious remark. She knew firsthand that Miss Willow never considered herself to be in the wrong. In response, she swatted at the jokester as he dodged out of the way and laughingly darted down the steps and walkway to disappear into his little red car and zip off.

On the patio, Willow had been listening intently. When she was certain Xander had gone, she scrambled to her feet, grabbed up her silk kimono and flung it on as she rushed towards her father's study. There, she fired up the computer and tapped her long, perfectly manicured nails on his desktop as she waited impatiently.

She would log on and take down that silly profile but that could wait. Right now she had other concerns. Bigger fish that were flopping about in her skillet, begging to be fried.

When Windows was up and running, she typed in the web address of the mapping site she preferred and then zeroed in on Xander's neighborhood. She decided on a zone of approximately two miles in circumference of his apartment. She then requested a list of all the Italian, pizza and spaghetti restaurants in that area that offered take-out service. In less than three seconds, several little red stars lit up on the map.

"Seven? There are seven in that small neighborhood? Shit, how many Guidos live in this shitty area?" With a shake of her head, she grabbed a pen and paper from the top drawer and she jotted down the names. From there, she looked each one up individually to acquire the phone numbers and addresses. When her list was complete, she picked up the phone.

"Hello. Pizza Heaven. Our special this week is boneless wings. How may I help you?"

"Hi. Wings, huh? Sounds great but I'm just calling to speak to Paul. Is he there?"

"Paul? Ain't no Paul here, lady."

"Oh, sure. My mistake. Sorry."

And so the same script went time after time, as she worked her way through the list of establishments who specialized in everything and anything that could be soaked in sauce. It was tedious and it was frustrating as each employee she spoke to seemed even more addlebrained than the last. She was on the verge of pulling handfuls of hair out when she dialed the second to the last name on the roster.

"Spaghetta Villa. Go ahead with your order."

"Hi. Do you have someone working there by the name of Paul?"

"Yeah why? What did the little prick do this time? Whatever it was, we apologize and we would like to offer you a free bucket of our best pasta with double bread...."

"Oh, no. Nothing like that. So he does work there?"

"Yeaaaah, but he doesn't come on duty for another hour. Is there anything I can...."

"GREAT! Thanks."

Willow hung up the phone and she drew a big circle around the name and address on her list. She was ecstatic as she leapt up from her chair and rushed up the stairs to shower and dress. At this point she had no clue as to what she was going to say to Paul, but she just had to meet him and see what it was that Xander found so enticing. She wanted to gaze into Paul's face and imagine the passionate kiss that her friend had shared with this man.

It was titillating. It created erotic, sexual mental images and Willow decided that her shower may just take a bit longer than usual.

Part Nineteen

"Oooo. Where am I? Who am I? What am I?"

"My flat. Elmer Toots and a fucking moron."

Elmer's eyes popped open and his head snapped around in the direction of the sarcastic voice. His arm flopped around limply and he vaguely noticed that he was lying on a very comfortable, high quality sofa that sported one of the lumbar-back supports that he had always dreamed of owning.

"Spike? Spike old buddy. Is that you? What happened?"

Spike was standing barefoot in the kitchen area. After the embarrassing spectacle at the cafe, he had tossed the limp and over-weight vampire over his shoulder and brought him back here to prevent Elmer from saying something awkward and possibly incriminating as he came to. Which had taken the good part of an hour.

Spike blew his cool breath into his steamy mug of blood while his spoon clink-clinked as he stirred the beverage slowly. At the first signs of his guest's recovery, Spike wandered back into the livingroom area of his flat where he gracefully lowered himself into his chair as he sipped his drink.

While Elmer flopped like a fish and moaned, Spike rolled his eyes and sighed with disgust. "What happened was that you fainted like a virginal maiden in a cheap, tawdry romance novel. What the fuck, Toots? Did you leave your balls at home on the bedside stand this morning?"

Elmer rubbed his hand over his forehead as he swung his legs over the side and sat up. The insult to his manhood sailed high over his head as he tried to recall what had happed but things were still a bit fuzzy. "I fainted? Gosh, I don't think I ever did that before. I remember that we were sitting at the Vampster having a pleasant tet-a tat when..... when you said....."

Spike crossed his feet at the ankles and he took another casual sip as he waited for the lights to come on in Tootstown. It didn't take long when, at the moment of illumination and recollection Elmer leapt to his feet as an expression of sheer terror crossed his face and his finger punched the air wildly.

"You heretic! It is blasphemy!! It is an unheard of crime against nature and the law! I shall report you immediately! I shall have no part in this atrocity that you have......"

Spike calmly continued to drink his blood while his visitor ranted and raved. When he felt that the short stubby Toots had gone on long enough to make his loyalties obvious, Spike set his half empty cup on the coffee table. "We're in my private residence, Elmer. There are no cameras or bugs anywhere. It's just you and me."

Immediately, Elmer settled down and his ample ass returned to the couch where he snatched up Spike's mug and he drained it in one big gulp. He then swiped his sleeve across his mouth and grinned. "Just us? You sure? Hey, it don't matter. You're my pal, Spike. Fuck them authorities. You know I'm on your side. Whatever you say to Elmer Toots stays
with Elmer Toots."

Spike shook his head and snorted. Despite himself, he really liked Toots, he just couldn't figure out why. With his hands on his knees, Spike hoisted himself out of his chair. He waved the empty mug in Elmer's direction and Toots responded to the unspoken offer with a big grin and an eager nod of his head. As Spike headed for the kitchen for a refill, Elmer took the time to check out his surroundings.

Beginning in the livingroom, Elmer wandered from one area of the space to another as his hands ghosted over the expensive fabrics on the furniture and estimated the weight of the drapes that hung at the huge windows. He studied the artwork on the walls and he peered into the display stands that held elegant crystal and mementos of far-off travels. His
evaluation was culminated in a long low whistle.

"Woo wee, ole' pal. This is a hell of a place you got here. You live here all by yourself?"

Spike poured two cups full of the rich red liquid and he set them in the microwave. He pushed the numbered buttons and waited as the appliance whirred to life. "Yep. All by myself."

Elmer felt a fissure of excitement skitter up his spine like a mouse. He had never known a rich person. Not dead or even alive. There had to be some way that this would benefit Elmer's favorite charity. The Foundation for the Advancement of Elmer Toots.

On the outside, his demeanor remained calmly indifferent. "Yeah, I got a nice place too but it ain't near as sharp as this. Course, there is that little situation of my overdue rent. Times is hard for a vamp like me trying to get by on them skimpy gubment hand-outs. Now if I had me a roommate and we lived together in a bigger place...."

"Here you are." Spike pointedly ignored the subject of discussion as he joined his guest in the den and he handed Toots a warm cup of blood. Spike patiently sipped from his own while he waited for Elmer to bring up the real matter of concern. The obvious elephant in the room. After a couple gulps, he did.

"So, Spike. I'm still a bit foggy about what happened just before I passed out but I seem to recall you saying something about..."

"I kissed Xander Harris. And he kissed me back."

Elmer clutched his blood mug to prevent even one drop from being spilled and he plopped down on the chair at Spike's computer, presumably before he fell over. As Elmer's addled brain tried to absorb the outrageous concept, he shook his head and his eyes diverted in the direction of the papers stacked on the desk where he spotted the full-colored picture
of a smiling, nearly naked man who was oddly familiar.

"AAHHH!!! That's.... That's Mr. Harris! Don't deny it! I can tell by .... Well I can just tell!"

Spike smirked. "Yep, that's my boy. Give me that picture himself, he did. Said he wanted me to have it for the evenings when me and my right hand had a little free time."

Elmer scowled as the string of lies dripped from Spike's lips like warm honey. When it became clear that no response was to be forthcoming, Spike sat down on the side chair that Xander used when he worked with Spike at the computer. He leaned forward. He rested his forearms on his thighs and he clasped his hands. It was suddenly very important to him
that Elmer understand how he felt. Maybe not Elmer per se but Spike just wanted some one to fathom the depths of this new-found passion.

"Come on, Elmer. You aren't a new vamp. You were around in the before time and yes, I know talking about that is forbidden but there's no one here but us. Please. Talk to me. Tell me you remember how it feels to touch a human. To hold them in your arms and kiss their warm lips. You remember lying with their hot, eager bodies and plunging your cock and fangs into them as they squirm and wriggle beneath you. Jesus, Elmer, don't you miss that?"

After a moment's hesitation, Elmer's nearly bald head nodded slightly and when he spoke, his voice had lost a good portion of the cartoony tone it usually carried. His eyes took on a faraway gaze and the corners of his lips tipped up in a small, sad smile. "Okay, yeah. I remember. I was forty years turned when the leaders outed us. I had been happily
traveling through the South sucking and fucking my way from the Bayou to the Gulf Coast and back. I had my way with more eager housewives on the sandy beaches than I could count. Didn't even have to kill them. I sucked their necks and they sucked my cock. It was the perfect arrangement. It was a good life. So to speak. No strings. No commitments. Yep. Elmer Toots was one happy-ass vampire."

Spike was delighted by the unexpected honesty. It was the first time in five years that he had heard a vampire actually say what he knew they were all thinking. It was more than Spike could have hoped for and it filled him with a warm feeling of connection and comradery with this homely little man.

Spike had been wrong. Elmer Toots was very much in possession of his man-balls.

Spike gripped Elmer's knees as he spoke. "Exactly! And why should that be? Don't we have rights? When we were alive, we were protected by the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Why did our rights automatically become null and void when we died? The United States Declaration of Independence states that we all have the inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Just because we have forfeited the life part why does that mean that they can snatch the liberty and happiness from us too?"

Elmer listened to Spike's little speech and he had to admit that he struggled to find fault with the logic. Still, he wasn't entirely certain what direction this conversation was taking. "Yeah, I suppose it's true but I doubt that the forefathers were taking into account the conditions of an undead demon population when they were putting pen to paper."

Spike eagerly nodded his agreement. "True. True but that's why amendments are made to the constitution. So that as society changes and evolves, the intent, integrity and spirit of the document can be maintained. I think it's time that we stand up and be counted. Just like the uprisings of the Civil Rights movement in the sixties, we vampires need to take a stand. The fucking Elders went about it all wrong when they threatened to take over the world. We don't want to run anything. We just want our equal rights as citizens."

Comprehension soaked in slowly as what Spike was proposing became clear. Visions of stormtroopers with water hoses spraying holy water into a screaming crowed of fanged fiends danced in his brain as Elmer Toots blinked and leaned back hoping to put some space between himself and this anarchist. What Spike was suggesting was outrageous. It was impossible and frankly, Elmer Toots was not ready to be dusted. Besides, he had Pinky and their relationship to consider.

"Whoa there, buddy. Look, Spike, don't get me wrong, I see what you're saying but the IVRC has an iron grip on the world wide vampire community. You can't beat them. They're just too powerful."

Spike again nodded and although they were all alone, his voice dropped to a quiet, conspiratorial tone. "It's true. They are strong but if we stood together we could be stronger."

Elmer's fearful eyes darted all around hoping that Spike's 'we' spoke of an army he had hidden somewhere around his flat. "We? As in you and me? Damn, look at the time. I gotta go, Spike but hey, good luck with that overthrowing the world thing. Keep in touch and let me know how it goes." As Elmer tried to slip away, Spike grabbed him by the arm and jerked him back into his seat.

"Sit down, you idiot. No, not you and me. See the thing is, when Xander started teaching me the computer, I noticed all of the vampire-specific sites. Sites that humans have no interest in. Porn, dating, general government information, shopping, etc. They reach millions of vamps all over the world. If someone was to slip certain innocuous code words into these
sites, on the surface they would seem innocent enough and if pinpointed, nothing could be proven but in time, they could be used to organize the greatest uprising the world has ever seen."

Elmer could all but feel his dead heart pounding in fear at what Spike was proposing. Then, another thought crept in. It was one that he found offensive and even more ugly that the concept of a vampire coup. "Is that what you're doing with Mr. Harris? Are you just using him? Cause if you are, I think that's pretty shitty. Xander is a good human and if you
get him killed just so........"

"NO!" Spike jumped to his feet. His face flushed red with anger and he loomed intimidatingly over his visitor. Just the illution of an accusation in this vein started Spike's borrowed blood boiling.

"Xander doesn't know anything about this and I have no intention of telling him. Business is business and my feelings for him are personal. Don't you EVER accuse me of...."

Elmer threw his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. My bad. We're cool. Say, why don't you get us a refill and I guess it wouldn't hurt none to just talk about this idea of yours."

Part Twenty

Xander Harris was in an odd state of mental flux, buzzing somewhere between exhausted and exhilarated. His afternoon had been spent in a whirlwind as he dashed from one side of town and back again endeavoring to fulfill all of the business obligations that were penciled on his calendar. He would like to have blamed the fact that he was tossed off schedule on the impromptu meeting with Willow, but he knew that would be a lie.

The fact was, he was completely off kilter by the kiss that still tingled on his lips and burned in his mind. It caused him to turn left when he should have gone right and it tricked his eyes into seeing red when the traffic light was a perfectly good shade of green. Apparently his foolish lips had cut a deal with his treacherous mind to fuck with his equilibrium.

A vampire. Xander Harris had kissed a vampire! In all of his years of working with them and being in close proximity to them, he had never once considered anything so outrageous and unconscionable. Not out of a fear of the law, although Xander did not even have a jaywalking citation against his good name. No, he had just never considered the walking undead in terms of attractive, appealing or sexy-as-fuck.

But now, as his day wound down and he returned to the solitude of his own empty apartment, he had to admit to himself that he hadn't been able to concentrate on anything else since it had happened. He had been kissed! He had been taken and jerked into the powerful arms of a man who could have snapped his neck without breaking a sweat.

A violent shudder wracked Xander's body as he contemplated the sheer power and magnitude of the man and the kiss. Xander had never felt more like a Nelly Bottom than he did right now, and it cemented his lifelong belief that we are all born to be just what we are supposed to be. It also tickled the question of how demons and vampires fit into the natural world of correct selection. It was a philosophical question that, up to now, Xander had dismissed as unimportant.

"Well, hell." Xander stood in the small kitchen of his apartment and he scratched his head. All of the deep contemplation was giving him a headache as the rest of his body weighed in. His empty stomach was growling that he hadn't eaten since the light lunch at Spike's place earlier, and Buddy, his aggravating single-minded cock was still harping on the kiss. So in short, all roads led back to thinking about Spike.

"Stop it, Xander. You're allowing your professional boxers to slip down around your ankles and show your ass. Pull them up! Get a grip on yourself!! You're hungry. Yeah, that's it. You are famished and it is giving you a feeling of being lightheaded that you are erroneously interpreting as being horny as fuck for a domineering, blond, blue-eyed vampire. Yeah, that's it. Ha ha. Simple as fuck. As soon as I'm stuffed, the thoughts of being spanked and ridden like Trigger will simply fade away. So, what am I hungry for?"

Xander marched towards his refrigerator and he jerked open the door. He was determined to get his mind and body back under his own control. Immediately, his eyes lit up. "Ooo. Hot dogs. Perfect!"

Later, as he sat in front of the television, he set his dinner plate on his lap. He turned on the evening news and he picked up his first wiener. His tongue darted out to catch a small drop of ketchup as it slipped from the end of the bun while the bimbo on the screen pointed towards a cold front that threatened to bring rain to the area.

Xander's thumb and forefinger circled his hotdog as his mouth opened wide. Despite his hunger, he was in no hurry to eat. Before taking that first big bite, he pursed his lips and wrapped them around the bit of meat that protruded from the bun. He closed his eyes and he moaned as the warm tube of meat slid in and out. In and out. When he suddenly realized what he was doing and how silly he must look, Xander giggled and shoved the sandwich in his mouth just as the sports guy was reading the day's ball scores.

Later, with his supper finished and the local news having slid into the reruns of a sitcom about two hapless hetero-men and a kid, Xander was back to wandering and pacing around his empty apartment. By eight P.M. he was beginning to recognize a new compulsion. He continually picked up his cellphone and flipped it open to assure himself that he hadn't missed any calls.

Was he expecting a call? No. Not that he could recall. He had already deleted the ten messages from Willow. He was still slightly perturbed at her for the whole crotch-shot debacle and not interested in hearing about her emotional struggles as she tried to decide between red nail polish and coral.

Finally, with his phone in his hand, he returned to the sofa and he flopped down as TV Charlie led another skinny woman upstairs while the canned laughter of an invisible audience roared at his decadent behavior. Xander aimed the remote and he muted the screen.

Then he stared at his phone. Should he? What would he say? Should he even mention the kiss or pretend he had forgotten all about it and dismissed it as unimportant? Why was he even thinking about calling? Or kissing. Before he could thoroughly beat himself up with insecurities and indecisions, Xander quickly scanned down through his list of contacts and he tapped the 'send' button. The second the phone started to ring, a flurry of nervous squiggles slammed into his gut and threatened to make him hang up.


Xander scowled. That wasn't Spike's voice. Had he misdialed? Wait a minute. He knew that fucking voice. "Elmer? Elmer Toots?"

"Yep. It's me. Is this Xander?"

"Ah, yeah. Sorry. I think I got a wrong number. I meant to call...."



"Were you calling Spike?"

"Um, well, yeah. What the fu...."

"Oh, me and Spike are old buddies. I'm just here for a little blood and some brewskies. He was in the kitchen so I answered.....wait a minute. Here he is."


"Yeah, Spike? You and Elmer Toots are buddies?"

Spike chuckled warmly. "It's a long story but actually he was just leaving. He has a date with Pinky this evening and he's already running late. Bye, Toots. See ya tomorrow."

Xander heard the door close in the distance, indicating that Spike was now alone. "You do know that Pinky is a web-porn star don't you? I mean she and Elmer aren't really...."

Spike laughed. "Yeah I know, but it makes Elmer happy so what's the harm?"

Xander scooted around on the sofa to get comfortable. He grinned and clutched a round, red pillow against his chest as the warm fuzzies caused his toes to curl and his face to nearly split from the huge sappy smile. "Yeah, happiness is hard to come by and if Elmer has it then why snatch it out from under? I guess it just surprises me that you would feel that way. I never thought of vampires as compassionate."

Spike propped his bare feet up on his glass-top coffee table. His flat was dim and dark. As was his habit, he had not bothered to turn on the various lights and lamps when the sun had set since his vampire's vision was sharper than a cat's eye. Now the lack of illumination seemed to add to the ambiance as he lounged, half-naked, while his boy spoke softly into his ear.

"You know, Xander, every vampire is an individual and we're not all that different from who we were as breathers. The demon in us just enhances us. But something tells me that you didn't call to talk about the variations of the colorful spectrum of vampires, did you? Why did you call? What did you really want to talk about?"

Xander's breath came in shallow, quick pants as he listened to the soft, suggestive tone in the vampire's voice. It coated him. It reached through the phone and it stroked him. It caused Xander's fingers to tighten around the small phone that was plastered to his ear. It raised the fine hairs on the back of his neck.

"I...I don't know what.... I just called to see if you were practicing.... I only...."

"Is that right? You called to check on me? Are you sure you didn't call to tell me you had reported my outrageous behavior to the authorities and at this very minute they're about to kick down my door and...."

"No. I swear! I wouldn't do that. I would never tell on you."

Spike's dark, low chuckle told Xander that the vampire was only fucking with him and that he didn't believe for a minute that the human would have violated their confidentiality.

"Tut, tut, Xander. I think you called because you've been thinking about this morning. I think you liked what I did to you and you want me to do it again. Is that it, Xander? Did you like it?"

Xander blinked. When he opened his mouth to answer, his brain sizzled and his throat constricted allowing only a high-pitched "Yes?" to escape. It was all the confirmation and permission the vampire needed and the call took on a more personal and intimate flavor as Spike settled in for a nice long conversation that began with, "I liked it too."

From there, it swerved and wound around several subjects that encompassed everything from television to books and the state of the public transit system. Xander discovered that Spike had a dry, wicked sense of humor and Spike was thrilled to realize that Xander was extremely knowledgeable on old movies of the Fifties and Sixties.

With each man cocooned in the privacy and safety of their own homes, they snuggled in and talked for hours. When Spike heard Xander yawn, he knew it was time to let his human get some sleep. "It's late, Xander and you have to work tomorrow. Hang up and go to bed."

Although he had started this conversation sitting up and hugging the throw pillow, Xander was now stretched out on his couch with the pillow beneath his head. His eyes were heavy yet he was loath to disconnect. "Wait. I'm not that...." *yawn*

Spike laughed at his boy's opposition, and the fact that his human was reluctant to hang up gave Spike a feeling of importance and hope that he hadn't known in decades. "I'll tell you what. For a few more minutes, I'll talk and you just listen. When I'm done, you have to promise to hang up. Agreed?"

Xander frowned at the odd statement but if it meant listening to the lilt and sparkle of Spike's voice for a little longer, he was agreeable. "Okay, I promise."

Spike grinned and he scooted around in the dark on his over-stuffed sofa. He switched the cellphone to his other ear and his voice dropped an octave as he spoke. "Pull down your pants for me, Xander, and kick them off."

A cold frisson of fear and excitement slammed into Xander as he realized what Spike wanted him to do, yet he gave no thought to refusal or even hesitation. Still lying on his back, he clamped his phone against his ear with his shoulder and both free hands jerked the sleep pants off his raised hips. Despite his compliance, Xander felt some sort of protest was warranted. "No. We can't. It isn't right."

Spike's answer was a low, thoughtful, "Hmmm." that sounded more like a growl than a consideration. "You're probably right. It's dirty, wrong and nasty. But, you were going to do the deed anyway, weren't you? Doesn't it feel good?"

Xander groaned as the assessment only made his dick harder. He was already stroking himself with one hand as he clutched the phone tightly against his ear for fear of missing even one word. "Are you...? Are your pants.... Is your dick....?"

Spike's voice was now dreamy and soft with unquestioning passion and want. "Yeah, It's hard and it feels so good. I wish.... I wish..."

"What?" Xander's hand was working his cock in a hard, fast and determined manner yet he was fully aware that it was Spike's voice urging him on and in an effort to both keep the vampire talking and a genuine curiosity as to what he wished, Xander closed his eyes and asked, "What, Spike. What do you wish?"

The answer was breathless and wanton. "I wish the hand on my cock was hot and human. I wish the man that was jacking me off was you."

In that instant, Xander imagined that the fingers wrapped around the throbbing shaft of his cock were cold. His usually pitiful imagination now flared to life as he told himself that his dick was being pulled and squeezed by five cool digits while five more played with his balls and probed at his anus. It was startlingly erotic and sinfully amazing.

It was also successful. With a grunt, his back arched, his hips humped upwards and Buddy spewed forth copious amounts of thick, pearly semen that splattered and pooled on his stomach. His vision went white and his ears buzzed as his cock pulsed again and again in his hand. Finally, as his release slowed and stopped, he slumped into a boneless puddle of happy as he remembered the phone that had fallen next to his head. With a sappy grin, he picked it back up.

"Spike? You still there?"

"Damn. I think the head of my dick blew off but, yeah, I'm here." The happy, relaxed tone in the disembodied voice told Xander that he hadn't ridden the path to cumville all by himself, and it gave him a surprising feeling of intimacy with the blond that Xander hadn't felt in a long time.

"Me too. Fuck. Now, I'm beat. In more ways than one." Xander chuckled and yawned. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

Spike was relaxed and spent but he was not as innocent or naive as Xander. Spike realized the gravity of what they were doing and he needed to have a heart to heart with his boy before this went any further.

"Why don't you come over to my place tomorrow afternoon, yeah? We need to talk."

Xander nodded, assuming Spike would see the movement of his head. He then shut his phone and fell asleep.