What Dreams May Tell

by
Authoress Nebula

Part Nine

“You know?” Buffy said.

Willow had decided to resume her wide-eyed staring from before.

Xander shrugged, trying to look casual and failing miserably. Floor, you can open up anytime now. Okay, not anytime, because NOW would be the best time to open up, and please swallow me? Please?!

The floor wasn't listening. “How long have you known?” Buffy asked incredulously.

“It's not like it's me,” Xander mumbled. “It's Alexander.”

“Who was just proved to be you! Is THIS the real reason why you wanted to know if it was Spike? Because you're...”

“It's not like I asked for this!” Xander exploded, causing Buffy to stop abruptly. “I-I didn't ask for these dreams. I didn't ask for these feelings. And now I've got both and I don't know what to do with them! I don't know if they're just Alexander's feelings getting transferred over to me, or if I'M the one really feeling this way about William. Or if it's both of us! All I know is that I know have a new drawing skill, weird dreams every night that I've started looking forward to, and a complete reversal of gender crushing!” He glanced up at Buffy, who had apparently decided to join Willow in the wide-eyed stare. “Say something?” he asked weakly.

Willow shook herself first, pushing away from the table and over to him. “The first and best thing to do is to not freak out,” she said softly.

“Think I'm past that point,” Xander muttered.

Willow ignored him. “You're my best friend, Xander. Complete reversal of gender crushing isn't going to end that,” she said, smiling. “The dreams are weird, but I'm the one that asked you to share them, so obviously okay with hearing them. And the new drawing skill is pretty cool.”

“William IS really cute,” Buffy said. “Pretty easy to see how you fell for him.”

Xander gave her a grin. “You should see him when he's all shy. Usually he has glasses to hide behind.”

“Uber-cute?” Willow asked.

“Most definitely,” Xander told her. They smiled at him, and Xander's heart began to slow down from the rapid pace it had recently been keeping.

“Still your best friends here,” Buffy assured him. His relief must've been obvious to see. “Not gonna change. And is it guys you have a crush on, or is it just William?”

Xander began to reply, then stopped and thought about it. He ran through a few actors in his head, and safely labeled them non-hotties. Then William and his smile came through, and Xander had his answer. “I guess it's just William.”

“Then we don't have to worry about you hanging out with the football team trying to get some snuggles,” Willow teased. She giggled at the glare Xander threw her way.

She stopped giggling after a few moments, giving Xander a serious look. “We still get updates on the dreams and stuff, right?”

“Yes, you'll still hear about it.” The two shared smiles, before he pulled her in for a hug.

“Scoot over,” Buffy said, hurrying towards them. Xander extended his arms, pulling Buffy in as well. What would he do without them both?

The thought of neither one of them there wasn't a thought he wanted to entertain. He held onto the girls tighter, and felt their arms squeeze in return.

“...in his room right now. He's busy doing something, but I wouldn't know what. Step inside, and I'll go get him.”

Alexander stepped out of his room and over to the top of the stairs. His mother glanced up from the doorway, then back down to the person standing there. “He's here now. Do make yourself comfortable,” she told him, before turning and heading into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along.

As quickly as was deemed proper, Alexander hurried down the stairs, his smile broadening as he headed towards his friend. “You don't need to stand there,” he told him. “You're welcome here anytime. How many times must I repeat it?” He wore a disapproving scowl on his face, but the grin underneath refused to stay under.

William chuckled. “At least once more, Alexander. And I actually can't stay but a minute. I only wanted to invite you to my mother's garden party. She's allowed me to invite my friends, and most are acquaintances, and they're all ones I wish wouldn't come. But I would be...be very pleased if you came, Alexander,” he finished softly, peering up at him through his gold-rimmed spectacles.

Alexander's heart leapt in his chest. For the past two weeks, the two had become closer friends, with William sharing his wit more often, and Alexander being coaxed into sharing his drawings and dreams. He hadn't shown William the ones of him, but his other drawings had been pulled out from his closet and praised by his friend. But now, to be invited to a garden party, by William himself no less? Much better than the afternoons spent in the park.

“I would be honored,” Alexander replied, knowing he probably looked a right fool with his huge smile but didn't really care.

William's answering smile dwarfed Alexander's. “Six o'clock, shall we say?”

“I'll be there.”

Xander kept his eyes closed, even though he knew he was awake. His dream self had just been treated to a beautiful full smile, complete with visible teeth.

Yeah, he had it bad. He groaned, but still didn't open his eyes. If he kept them closed, he could still see William beaming at him.

A small smile unknowingly crept onto his face.

Part Ten

“Sooo...what happened with last night?”

Xander shrugged but couldn't keep the grin off his face. “Something happened last night, that's for sure,” Buffy said, amused.

“No keeping secrets!” Willow scolded. “Now give!”

With a sigh Xander pushed open the library doors. “William invited me to a garden party.”

Two faces lit up. “How very prestigious,” Buffy said. When the others turned their gaze on her, she rolled her eyes. “It's my big word for the day. Tiny words from now on. See?”

“A garden party?”

Xander let out an undignified squeak as Giles stepped out of the office. “Did I hear correctly?” the librarian asked with a small smile.

Xander barely nodded his head. This was NOT good. He was fine with the girls knowing, but Giles would get all research-y on him, and that was the LAST thing that he wanted. And that was probably the mildest of things he could expect if Giles found out...

“You don't often hear a call for garden parties these days,” Giles continued, frowning slightly. Xander's panic rose as Giles mused out loud, “That was something done more in the Victorian times.”

“It's a re-enactment,” Willow said quickly.

Xander shot his friend a grateful glance. He wasn't going anywhere anymore without his trusty Willow by his side. Giles' frown deepened. “It's a what?”

“A re-enactment of sorts. William's a friend in the 19th Century class, and it was one of the choices for extra credit. Xander needs to catch up and the teacher said that if he did this with William, he could get the marks needed to pass and then, you know, passing of the class would occur. So William extended the formal invitation last night, and they're going to do the garden party tonight, right?”

Xander blinked, then realized that last part had been directed at him. “Uh, yeah. Or maybe tomorrow night, but tonight works better for, um, both of us.” He was still in shock over how fast Willow could lie. She'd have absolutely no problems acting on stage, because even if she forgot the lines, she could easily improvise.

Giles looked pleased with this, and Xander gave an inward sigh of relief. “I'm quite proud of you, Xander. Not about the needing to catch up on your class, but that you're actually doing so. I suppose you'll be acting the part tonight?”

Xander nodded, then stopped. There was an opportunity here to be had, and he wasn't missing it. “Yeah, part to be played and all, but I need some help with the part. Could you give me a few pointers on things?”

Willow and Buffy gave him frowns. No doubt wondering what on EARTH Xander was doing. Willow had just gotten him out of a mess, and it looked like he wanted to get right back into one.

“Of course,” Giles said, stepping forward. “What did you want to know?”

“Well, there's going to be others, there. It's not just William and me. A few girls were interested in dressing up and acting the part and there's someone I kinda like there tonight. What would be the proper way to show an interest in this person?”

And suddenly Willow and Buffy weren't frowning anymore. On the contrary, their grins were about to give him away. He shifted back and forth innocently, making sure he stepped on their feet. With tiny yelps they got the message.

“The proper way?” Giles asked, frowning with thought. “Well, you could offer her your hand and lead her into the party. You could offer her something to drink, introduce her to your friends in a mannerly way, lead her around as you do so...it may not show your interest exactly, but she might get an inkling if she isn't completely blind. Also, there's also that touch-factor that we all crave and love so much,” he added with a knowing smile.

Xander nodded, grinning. At least now he'd know when and if Alexander showed an interest in William. Not that it was likely to happen, but at least this way he'd be prepared.

Giles cleared his throat, raising a book. “We have a ritual to stop in half an hour. You three might want to get something that will hit heavy and hard.”

Six o'clock, on the dot, and Alexander was knocking on William's front door. He'd done his best to dress up tonight. It was a party, after all. Of course, the reason he'd dressed up wasn't for anyone at the party. Anyone except William, that was.

With a small smile William's mother answered the door. “Alexander, so glad you could come,” she said, brightening as she opened the door further. “Please, do come in.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Atherton,” he said, stepping inside. He pulled a small bouquet of flowers from behind his back, offering them to her. “William told me once that white roses were your favorite. I saw these, and I immediately thought of you.”

“How lovely!” Mrs. Atherton said, her smile growing as she took the flowers. “Yes, they are a favorite. William's too; we'll both enjoy the scent. Thank you, Alexander.”

He nodded to her, smiling. He'd known that they were William's favorites. He'd merely left that out, along with the truth that the first person he'd thought of upon seeing them had been her son, not Mrs. Atherton.

“Please, follow me,” she said, leading the way down the hall and out to the left, to where a few guests mingled in the library. Doors opened up from the library to a patio, which then led to the garden. Lanterns hung around the yard, illuminating the greens, pinks, and other colors in the garden.

He nodded to her and headed out. His eyes scanned the area, already looking for William. He was disappointed when he couldn't see him, but shook it off. William was probably off playing the perfect host his mother had asked him to be.

Alexander tipped his hat to a few women he passed as he made his way for the small drink table towards the back. A few men that he knew were already there, and he greeted them, exchanging casual words about the weather and the latest news from America. As he continued to talk, he glanced around, hoping for a glimpse of William. The men were nice company, but not so nice as William.

A tap on his shoulder caused him to turn, and his heart began to beat faster at the sight of William. “I thought you might've skipped out on your own party,” Alexander joked.

William gave him a look that made him chuckle. “Me, skip out on a party? I never would have heard the end of it from my mother.” The men turned and nodded to William, and William's look disappeared, to be replaced by a nervous smile.

Alexander clenched his fists. Why William didn't open himself up more, he didn't know. He let the people around him shape him into nothing that resembled the true William by the time they were through.

“The suit looks quite fetching on you,” Alexander told him when the men had walked away.

William's eyes lit up. “Do you think so? I wanted to pick something special for tonight, because...”

Alexander froze. William had looked so incredibly pleased when Alexander had said that...he couldn't possibly... “Because?” he prompted.

“I wanted to show you something even more special tonight,” William said, beaming.

Show him? Something special, just to show him? Alexander's heart began to beat double-time in his chest. William could possibly feel the same way. Why on earth had Alexander worn this suit? The other suit was much more handsome on him...

“Would you wait here?” William asked.

Alexander nodded eagerly. William hurried off, and Alexander began fussing with his hair as soon as he was out of sight. William felt the same way as he did. That meant...well, obviously it meant something incredibly wrong against society, but love needed no society. They would find a way, he was sure of it.

He turned to see William leading a young woman by the arm. William glanced up and smiled at him, heading his way. Alexander blinked, then smiled back. Apparently, he was to meet some of William's family tonight.

William stopped in front of him, extending his hand to Alexander. “This is my good friend, Alexander Harrington. Alexander, this is Miss Cecily Adams.”

The dark haired beauty glanced at Alexander, before nodding curtly. “It's a pleasure to meet you,” Alexander said, but his smile faltered. She didn't look anything like William, and her last name wasn't the same as his.

“Would you care for something to drink?” William asked her. Cecily pondered the thought for a moment, then nodded once more, before heading over to join a few other ladies.

“Who is she?” Alexander asked as William quickly hurried to get a drink.

William paused on his way, glancing back over his shoulder. “The inspiration for my poems,” he said softly, his smile wide. “Isn't she beautiful?”

He headed off towards the drinks again, leaving Alexander standing behind him, his heart breaking in two.

“No!” Xander howled, sitting up in bed. “No, no, NO! That's not how it's supposed to go! You can't do this to me!”

He swallowed, thinking of the way William's face had lit up at the mention of Cecily. “You can't make me like him and then just take him away,” he mumbled, burying his face in his hands.

Part Eleven

All through school the next day, the girls tried to get Xander's attention, to try and talk to him. And every time they tried he ignored them.

The last class finally ended, and Xander gathered his things to head home. Thankfully, he didn't share his final class with the girls, which made going home that much easier. He wasn't looking forward to talking about the previous night.

As he stepped outside the classroom, however, two determined faces greeted him. Xander sighed. “I'm not in the mood, guys.”

“Too bad.” When he glared at her, Buffy merely glared back. “I'm not going anywhere until you spill.”

“Me neither,” Willow said, pointing at her face. “See? Resolve face firmly in place.”

“Guys...”

“You promised you wouldn't keep secrets,” Willow said.

Another sigh. “Wills, it was..”

“Obviously not good last night, we got that,” Buffy said. “But we'd like to know why, because we care about you. You're like a walking neon sign that reads 'Hurting'.”

Xander glanced between the two girls, before slumping in defeat. Two hands grabbed his wrists and tugged him into an empty school room. “What happened, Xander?” Buffy asked gently.

“Nothing new in Xander-land,” he said bitterly.

Willow frowned, so he told them. “You know: Xander meets person. Xander likes person. Person doesn't like Xander. Xander's heart is wrenched from his chest.”

It took them a moment to get it, and when they did, their mouths dropped open in horror. “William didn't...?” Buffy managed to ask.

“He didn't even look at me. How could he? He had his eyes locked on 'Miss Cecily Adams', the frickin' inspiration for his poems.” Xander bit his lip hard enough to break skin. He was upset enough to scream, and if he didn't scream, he was going to cry instead. And neither option was a good idea until he was safe in his own room. Alone.

The girls took one look at the tenuous grasp he had on his emotions and moved forward to pull him into their arms. Xander shut his eyes, laying his head on their shoulders. In both lifetimes, he got screwed over when it came to matters of the heart. It just wasn't fair.

“Xander, are you all right?”

“Not really,” Willow told Giles, who had just appeared in the open doorway. “Last night wasn't...well...”

“Wasn't what he'd hoped for,” Buffy finished.

“Oh,” Giles said softly. “I'm so sorry, Xander.”

“Me too,” Xander murmured. And he was so very sorry. Sorry that William didn't exist in the present, sorry that Cecily had existed at ALL, and sorry he'd been given the dreams in the first place. What had been the point?

“If you're all, ah, up to it, I believe patrol is in order.”

When no one moved or said anything, Xander lifted his head to see everyone gazing at him. He flushed when he realized they were waiting for him.

“We ready?” he asked, pulling away from the girls and running a hand through his hair.

Giles nodded, giving him an understanding look before leading the way down to the library.

Even dusting vampires for half an hour didn't help Xander's mood. He dusted one with an easiness he normally would've been bragging about, but he didn't even blink. After seeing that little display, Buffy had asked him if he wanted to just go home. He stiffly told her he was fine.

“Yeah, 'cause you look 'fine',” Buffy said, before sighing. “I take it we've moved onto the angry part of the rejection?”

“Sounds about right,” Xander said. His hand was tightly wrapped around his stake, tight enough to give him white knuckles. How could William just forget about him like that? And for HER?!

Whoever said he thought about you to start with? his mind told him, but Xander didn't want to listen. He'd actually believed in him and William to the point of calling the two of them a real 'them' in his mind. He felt betrayed. Which was again a stupid thing to feel, he realized, because they hadn't even been seeing each other. But dammit, he'd believed!

“Ah. In that case, I'll leave that next fledgling for you,” Buffy said, backing away. Xander mentally counted the apologies he would be owing both girls tomorrow for his behavior tonight, but he was sure he'd be readily forgiven. Especially by Buffy: she understood how one sometimes just needed a punching bag to take all one's stress out on.

The vampire heading towards him would do nicely. The vampire gave him a toothy grin and launched himself at Xander. Xander punched out, ignoring the pain in his hand when his fist collided with solid bone. The vampire was down on the ground now, so Xander leaned down to punch him again, to make sure he wouldn't come up while he was trying to dust him. His right fist, however, seemed to want to hit the vampire again and again, and soon his left was asking for a chance as well.

“Xander! Xander! Earth to Xander!” Buffy called out from behind him.

“Xander, just stake him!” Willow yelled.

Two more punches, and Xander finally pushed the stake into the vampire's heart. The vampire exploded into dust beneath him, looking almost grateful as he did so.

A hand fell on his shoulder, and he sighed. “No, I'm not going home Giles. I'm fine. Aggressions have been firmly blown off. Okay?”

“If you're sure,” Giles said, though he sounded anything but convinced.

Xander turned and gave him a small smile. “I'm okay. I'll get over it.”

Giles gave him a smile in return, squeezed Xander's shoulder once, before letting go and stepping away.

“Feel better?” Buffy asked, grinning.

Xander nodded, standing. “Much. Punching should be used as a means of therapy.”

Buffy's grin widened. “It's what I use,” she said as she walked away.

Xander headed after her, his heart a little lighter. He still hurt over the William thing, and he knew he would for awhile. But there was really nothing he could do about it. He could only watch the dreams and see what was going to happen. Nothing he could do.

Right?

Glancing up, he realized that the others were ahead of him, and lagging behind wasn't the safest thing to do in Sunnydale. He began to quicken his pace, eyes focused on his group.

A little too focused, perhaps. Something bumped into him, sending him down to the ground with an “Oomph!”. He glared at the grass in front of him, then turned around, his glare now aimed at the thing that had knocked him over.

Spike.

Xander stared at him, mouth hanging open. Spike smirked. “'ello, pet,” he drawled.

A small click was heard from Xander's left. “Not another step towards him, Spike,” Buffy warned.

Spike slowly tilted his head around until he was facing her. “The Slayer...smaller than the last one I fought. 'Course, you're a tad more alive than she is. For now,” he added.

Xander continued to stare. William and Spike couldn't have been more different. Where William was shy and kind, Spike was bold and dangerous. Yet both could get Xander's heart to thump painfully in his chest.

Buffy kept her aim and gaze on Spike. The vampire sighed. “Much as I'd love to have the whelp, I'm actually not hungry now. S'pose I'll head off then, eh?”

Xander blinked. “Whelp?” he asked, bewildered.

As he rolled his eyes, Spike said, “Yeah, that'd be you. Whoever the hell you might be.”

For a painful, jerking moment Xander couldn't breathe. He didn't...he didn't even...?

“You don't recognize him?” Willow asked, having glanced at Xander and guessed the cause of his shock.

Spike gave her a bewildered look. “Uh, no. Should I?”

Giles was now giving Willow an odd look as well. “F-From the school, with Angel?” Willow stammered, trying to cover.

“Oh. That was him? Did a good job of actin' pissed off at Angelus. 'Course, wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't an act. Always did know the best way to rub someone the wrong way.” Spike began to back away, smirking at Buffy as he did so. “See you around, Slayer,” he said, turning to head off into the night.

Giles shook himself, turning to Xander. “Are you quite all right?” When no response came, Giles frowned. “Xander?”

“Not really,” Xander managed to get out. His eyes were trained on Spike, who was quickly disappearing into the night.

“We'll get him home,” Buffy told Giles, offering Xander her hand. “Right Xan?”

Slowly Xander glanced up at her, wondering if he looked as miserable as he felt. Buffy's concerned gaze told him he probably looked even worse. He gave her a weak smile, and her concern deepened.

With her help he pulled himself to standing. “I'm sorry,” she said softly.

Xander gave a brisk nod, keeping his eyes trained on his clothes as he wiped the dirt away. It was a good thing Spike hadn't recognized him. He didn't want the demon after him. Or the man. It didn't matter.

Now he only had to convince his heart.

Part Twelve

Cecily, Cecily, Cecily...It was all William could talk about anymore. How her beauty was like none other. How her natural grace was poem inspiring. Everything she did caused his friend incredible happiness. Which in turn cause Alexander incredible heartache.

He'd known that any possibility of him and William together was nearly non-existent to start with. But he'd foolishly fallen for William, and then had been surprised when all chances had disappeared.

Foolishly. That was the perfect word to describe it. Because Alexander WAS a fool. A fool for thinking...well, any of it. He should just forget about William and find a lovely woman to settle down with.

But his heart cried out at him to not forget his true love. “True love doesn't exist for anyone, and least for a fool,” Alexander muttered angrily.

He couldn't keep doing this, though. It was tearing his heart and life in two. There had to be some way to keep his feelings locked up, but still not forget them. Forgetting them would prove more painful then continuing with them like this.

He paused as a thought came to him. That would be the most ideal way to accomplish this task. And he had William to thank for the idea.

Standing, he walked over to his desk and pulled from a drawer a notebook with a metal clasp on the front. He pulled the key from his pocket and opened the lock, then set the now freed book on the desk. The elaborate engravings on the book and clasp had intrigued him one day, though he'd never thought of a good reason to have a locked book, or even a journal. Well, now he did.

He pulled a pen from the drawer as well and took a seat. “True love doesn't exist for anyone, and least for a fool,” he murmured again, letting those words be the first he inscribed. “There's poetry for you, William.”

“You can turn the bitterness off any day, pal,” Xander grumbled, sitting up. He couldn't really blame his past self, though. Xander was about ready to put a hole through a wall with his emotions.

Yes, he'd said he'd been fine. He could lie. He could lie very convincingly. Even to himself. Because he'd wanted to be okay with it, he really had. But whenever he tried, flashes of William's smile and bright blue eyes would enter his thoughts. And Xander would be back at square one. Again.

He pushed away the covers, aware that he was getting up half an hour earlier then he was supposed to. For once, he didn't want to go back to sleep.

“Xander, wait up!”

Xander sighed but stopped long enough for the girls to catch up to him. “How was last night?” Buffy asked, before taking a good look at his face. “Oh. Sorry.”

“Don't worry about it. Alexander didn't,” Xander muttered.

Willow bit her lip. “He didn't take it very well either, huh?”

“He decided that the best way to forget about William was to mock him. He also started writing a journal. I believe we've officially reached the 'let's ignore the feelings and hope they go away' part of the rejection. Always a favorite.”

Two arms wrapped around him, causing him to smile slightly. “Sorry for being such a downer, guys. I just...”

“Really hoped? There's nothing to be sorry about for that or the downy-ness. Still love you, and wish I could've punched Spike for you last night,” Buffy said, giving him a friendly squeeze.

“I would've too!” Willow piped in, before her face fell. “Well, I would've had Buffy knock him out first. THEN I would've punched him. But I still would've done it!”

Xander's smile broadened. “It's appreciated, Wills.” He cleared his throat as they reached the library. Maybe Alexander had the right idea. Just forget about the feelings. “So,” he said, holding the door for the girls, “what did you two do today?”

Buffy shrugged. “Almost got the glare of death again from Snyder. There is something majorly wrong with him. In a let's-slay-him sort of way.”

“Is that the Slayer senses talking, or just Buffy?” Willow teased.

Buffy smiled sheepishly. “Okay, maybe that's just Buffy. But seriously, the guy acts like he's on eternal PMS!”

Xander and Willow snickered. “Death glare from principal, got it. What about you, Wills?”

Once her giggles had subsided, Willow replied, “This and that. Mostly work for a project, but not much else.”

“Boring,” Xander and Buffy chorused. Willow pouted.

“It is not! It's a very intriguing project, I'll have you know. You'd like it, Xander.”

“Well, I'm glad for the both of you. Me, I'd rather slay. Speaking of which, Giles, what's on the menu tonight?” Buffy called out.

There was no response.

Xander frowned and exchanged worried glances with the others. “Giles?” Buffy tried again, heading slowly towards the offices. She cautiously pushed the door open with the tip of her finger, frowning as she glanced inside.

“Something wrong?” Willow asked, biting her lower lip.

Xander watched as Buffy disappeared inside the office, only to return with a note in her hand. “Tell me that's not a ransom note,” Xander said, swallowing. If Spike had taken Giles, all Xander's thoughts on making the feelings go away would be squashed. And there was no telling what Spike could do with the librarian.

“It's not,” Buffy said, and Xander let out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. “It's from Giles, and it says he's taking Jenny home. Her car broke down, so he's being a gentleman, blah, blah, bitty blah, won't be back before five.”

All eyes turned to the clock above the library door. 4:27. “We've got awhile to wait,” Buffy said with a sigh, heading over to take a seat.

“Hold on a second,” Willow told her, hurrying over to the computer and starting it up. Xander frowned. Now what?

“Um, Wills?”

“Come take a look at this,” Willow said excitedly, pointing at the screen.

Xander headed over to stand behind Willow, eyes narrowing as he took in the page. “That's the genealogy site,” he said.

Buffy glanced over Willow's other shoulder and frowned. “What exactly is so special?”

“This,” Willow said, opening several windows. She pulled out a small piece of paper from her jumper pocket and set it on the table. Her gaze shifted from the paper to the screen as she typed.

The first window to come up was a young man in a black and white photo. One Xander recognized.

“That's...oh, I can't remember his name...but I've seen him in my dreams! I know him!”

“Charles Sweeton. Born 1855, died 1881. Engaged but jilted his betrothed at the altar,” Buffy read, before rolling her eyes. “Nice guy.”

“He's a jerk,” Xander said, shaking his head. “I feel sorry for his fiancé. He was always so stuck up and made fun of William constantly. There were times I just wanted to punch...” He stopped when he realized the two girls were looking at him as if he'd grown a third head. “What?” he asked.

“You're talking like you just saw this person the other day. Like you were actually Alexander yesterday. It's creepy but cool,” Buffy added.

“And the whole thing about punching his lights out for William is sweet, but not if you're trying to forget about the person you were going to punch his lights out for,” Willow said softly.

“I know. About it being creepy, and about...forgetting. I've pretty much accepted me being Alexander. We're not doing any weird merging. I'm just...remembering.”

“And I do and I don't want to forget about him. It would be a lot simpler if I could, but...” He hung his head, sighing.

“Just can't, we know. It's not easy to do that,” Willow said. “But I think you'll like this next window.” She clicked on the next window, pulling up a page about a girl.

Xander clenched his fists. “Take it I got the right girl?” Willow asked him.

Xander nodded. “Yeah. That's Cecily, all right.”

“Why'd you look her up?” Buffy asked, puzzled.

Willow shrugged. “I wanted to see if Spike had eaten her.”

Xander stared at her, before immediately reaching down to hug his friend. “That's probably one of the sweetest things you've ever done for me.”

“Except he didn't,” Willow continued, grimacing.

With a groan Xander let his head drop onto her shoulder. “Thanks for getting my hopes up.”

“I do have some news concerning her, though.” All eyes turned back to the screen. Willow clicked on the link, and more information on Cecily popped up. “Born in 1860, vanished in 1881.”

Xander blinked. “Whoa, whoa, back up. Vanished?! As in...”

“As in they either couldn't find her body, or...I don't know. Something mystical, I suppose. But she's got a connection to that Charles guy I showed you.”

Buffy raised her eyebrow. “And that would be?”

From the grin on Willow's face, she wasn't sharing anytime soon. Xander glanced at the two people on the screen. They'd known each other, sure, but that didn't mean...anything...

Xander's eyes widened as he got it. “She's the engaged that was left at the altar?”

Willow nodded emphatically. “Yup. And when he died a few days after the wedding that wasn't, she mysteriously vanished. That's no coincidence, as far as I'm concerned.”

“But this is good! That means that she'll get engaged to this Charles guy, and William will be open and free! You've still got a chance, Xander.”

Buffy was right: William would be available. Slowly Xander began to smile. Maybe everything wasn't lost, then. There was still a chance for Alexander and William once William found out about the engagement.

That also meant that he'd be hurting. Xander's smile faltered. As much as he wanted William to notice him and not Cecily, if William found out about them being engaged, he'd be just as crushed as Alexander was now. And Xander had a feeling that Alexander had more emotional strength then William.

“No smiles? It's not a good thing?”

Xander sighed. “It would break his heart, Buff. And part of me wants that, because one, that would mean he found out about the wedding to be, and two, he'd be available, but...I can't do that to him.”

“He's doing it to you,” Buffy argued.

Xander shook his head. “I still can't. It's not right.”

“Oh my gosh,” Willow whispered, staring at him.

“What?” Xander asked, moving his gaze from Buffy to Willow. When she merely continued stare at him, Xander began to frown. “Willow?”

“You're in love with him,” she said quietly. “You are, aren't you?”

Buffy's head whipped from Willow to Xander. “This goes beyond a crush?” she asked.

“I guess so,” Xander mumbled. “I mean, I didn't think...I just...”

“Xander, you don't want him to be hurt, even though it would make you happy. You've got more than a crush if you're that concerned about him.”

Silence descended on the trio. “I still think he deserves to hurt just a little, but it's only because he hurt YOU,” Buffy finally said. “I think the idea of you and him? A very, very sweet one. I just wish he could see it like you do.”

“Maybe he will,” Willow said, bringing the windows down. “Maybe this engagement thing'll turn out to be good news for you two. In the meantime, I'll keep researching and digging up more on the project.”

The project? “Wait a minute. This is the project?” Xander asked, pointing at the computer.

Willow winked. “I told you you'd like it.”

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